Wow, I can tell just how tired I've been based on my last few entries. To clear everything up, Wednesday, March 4th at 9:30 AM is my c section if everything continues to go smoothly.

I started bleeding again this morning but it is nowhere near the amount it was on the 21st. I'm not having any contractions. So I'm just going to be monitored most of the day to ensure nothing changes. If everything stays the same (and I'm positive it will) then no changes will be made to the plan.

Only two more days!

I've been slacking a bit on updating. I have no real excuse, just lack of motivation.


I guess the most important news is that my new c section date is March 4th. It's so near, yet at the same time doesn't feel real.

So there's been a change in plans. Baby will be here most likely on March SECOND, if not sooner. That's just our "goal" date. 8 more days!

My feeling that this wasn't going to be a pleasant weekend was pretty much right. My mom tried her hardest to make me feel comfortable and calm. Unfortunately she had to leave today to take care of my neice.

What I've been experiencing is just a constant ache all over my body with pressure in my rear. This morning alone I have had three different doctors come in to talk to me. Because I'm so far along now, they don't want to give me over the counter pain meds. I have another ultrasound scheduled for the 20th, but if things don't calm down I'll get one sooner to make sure that the pressure I feel isn't my cervix dilating. Eli healthwise is doing fantastic. If I do have to have a c section before the 12th, it will most likely be because of my health.

I want to stay positive. And I know that the longer I stay pregnant, the better. However, I feel like I'm at my breaking point. Especially when they told me that if my cramps/contractions continue they will not be hesitant to skip the turb and put me straight on magnesium again. I started crying when they left because honestly, I don't think I can handle another round of that. Then I felt selfish because if Eli is born this early, while it's an entire 4 1/2 weeks longer than what they thought, he'd still have some problems. His health obviously trumps mine.

...25 more days.

28 27 26 more days until Elijah is here!

I had a miserable yesterday. I started spotting and contracting. They gave me a shot of turb. Usually it makes me just a bit jittery, however this time I felt as if my heart was going to explode. I also couldn't stop throwing up. But it did the trick and I didn't have to go on the magnesium.

Earlier yesterday they also weighed me. I've lost weight again. They had hoped for me to be a total weight gain of 20 pounds by my c section. To date, I've gained 10 pounds. And I'm sure me getting sick didn't help.

And because I'm still not feeling well, my mom is coming down as I write this. I'm worried about her driving at 1 AM, but at the same time, I'm so thankful she's coming. I have a funny feeling this isn't going to be a pleasent weekend for me.

Eli, please wait 26 more days!

In other news, my tax return came in. I'm going to pay off my credit card and 1/3 of my car payment. I'm also going to get Kade and Eli the things they need.

I'm purchasing a book from frecklebox.com. They make personalized books/posters/growth charts/etc. The book I'm getting for Kade is made for older siblings-to-be.

I have so much more to write, however I think I'm going to bed until my mom gets here.

 

Happy 32 weeks Elijah! We made it to our second goal! Meaning we proved the doctors wrong. You stayed right where you were supposed to be an entire 4 weeks longer then what they expected! You truly are a miracle my little one.

I feel so bad. I've had a piss poor attitude the past couple of days. Certain things have been happening back home that have made my nights literally sleepless except when they give me a sleep aid, which just produces nightmare. I'm not going to go into details because quite frankly, I'm trying my hardest to stay as positive as I can, and thinking about it brings me right back down.

In good news though, the doctor is amazed at how well Eli is growing with all the complications that we've encountered. He spends most of the day napping now, except when he's being monitored. Go figure! He also gets hiccups at least 3 times a day. Because his stomach is facing my back, his back is pressed up right at my naval. I can see him move with his hiccups because of his position.

If he's born and needs to be in the step two nursery I'm planning on getting us transfered back to Bellingham. They can care for him just as well there, plus I can be surrounded by family.

I cannot believe he will be here in just a few weeks. I've made it 4 weeks so far, what's another 4 weeks?

For those moms (and dads!) who enjoy finding new products and reading awesome reviews, I suggest visiting www.designbaby.net.

I find myself on this website on a daily basis and checking out the products. I can't wait until the laptop is here so I can start ordering!

I hate this whole yo-yo health situation that's going on. Yesterday was perfect. No contractions, no bleeding, no spotting, my blood pressure was finally 90/50 instead of 90/44ish. Then today I wake up to be monitored, quickly used the restroom before I got hooked up, and realize I'm spotting dark pink almost red again.

Thankfully Eli looked great on the monitor and I'm not contracting so they are just going to keep a watchful eye on me today. Dr. Trahn is the on call doctor today. She came in an explained that because my vitals and Eli's heartrate/movement looks perfect she's okay with me not have any fluids and I'll be okay to walk to the bathroom, etc. If it gets worse then we'll see what our next step is.

She was looking at the c section schedule and it said it was marked down for FEBRAURY 12th. As in 4 days. She is fairly confident it's a typo though and I'm actually scheduled for March 12th. She's going to try to get to the bottom of it today. Because I'm only going to be 32 weeks 1 day along on the 12th.

I'll keep updating this entry as things progress today.

Update @ 11:40

Good news! It was a typo. Mr. Elijah will be here on March 12th if everything stays okay and the amnio states he's mature enough!

However, Dr. Trahn did tell me that if I start bleeding again after 34 weeks they aren't going to risk it and preform the c section at that point in time. They want me to focus on March 12th, but they also want to me to be aware it could be sooner.

Seeing Kade is so bittersweet. He came running into my room a little before 10 am exclaiming, "MAMA! There you are!" and proceeded to climb onto my bed and plant a big kiss on my mouth. I was shocked. My son is NOT a lovey dovey kid most of the time.

He told me all about school and how "weapons are not allowed at school Mama! Even PRETEND ones!" His favorite part is playing outside with "his buddies" and having "super fast races". $66 a week is totally worth it, even though he only goes for 4 hours a day.

My mom came with some awesome gifts. Two nice stretchy t shirts that will look amazing even after I have the baby AND a plate of homemade brownies. They are so good!

I can't wait for my tax return. I'm going to completely pay off my credit card and 1/3 of my car. Then get Amber's and Izzy's babyshower presents, as well as Addy's and Cloey's 1st birthday present.

KAT! Give me some ideas as to what to buy her. Well, I can't buy it obviously, but I'll send someone else to get it. I'm completely clueless about little girl toys.

Almost 4 1/2 weeks until Elijah's here! Time is FINALLY going by a bit faster.
We are going to have a HUGE baby shower in April that way everyone can "meet" him. It will be a "co-ed" baby shower so that way Kade, my brothers, Dad, Stephen, etc can be there as well. I will be providing more information as the time draws closer.

I'm exhausted after today's visit so I'm going to attempt to take another nap. Health wise things are going well. :)

I was moved into a different room AGAIN yesterday. My view is even more amazing, especially at night. Plus my shower works! Hot water is fantastic. And I now have two comfortable chairs for visitors to sit in.

Dr. Luthy (my obgyn here) came in this morning to let me know my c section has been scheduled, and as soon as the O.R. list is printed up they'll tell me the date.

I'm really tired today. I have been so emotional lately. I have far too many thoughts running through my mind. Mixed in with being uncertain about the future...well, lets just say I'm a big mess. :)

My appettite is pretty much gone much to the dismay of my nurses and nutrienitionist. Food just isn't appealing. Blaahhhhhh. Though they do offer amazing smoothies.

Kaderbutt should be here tomorrow by the time I wake up from my morning "nap". I am SO excited!

<3

Thanks for all the positive thoughts and encouragement. I really appreciate them.

Last night was another rough night. I had to receive another shot of turb because of those lovely contractions. Thankfully today I have had a great day! There has been a plethora of people in and out of my room. A mother/baby home nurse came in to talk to me about c sections and breastfeeding. Both my new obgyn from Seattle and a neonatal doctor came it. Plus an IV nurse to inspect and change the dressing on my PICC line. Then a visit from someone who is supposed to fix my shower. (Ice cold water does not make an enjoyable 20 minute sit down shower.)

My obgyn brought some pretty awesome news. His goal by Monday is to actually schedule my c section date! It will be nice to give my mom and dad the heads up so they can make travel plans. I'm hoping they will do it on a wednesday or thursday so they can stay for about 4 days. I'll probably be discharged from the hospital after 3 days and will need their support as I move from the hospital to either a hotel or a one bedroom apartment.
I am so antsy today. My dad is coming down tomorrow and then my mom and Kade are coming down on saturday! I am soooooo excited! Kade said he'd sing me songs he learned at school. Hopefully he won't be too shy. I love to hear him sing.

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. I wish I could have been there to celebrate with her. I'll just have to make up for it when I get back home.

I am 31 weeks today! Meaning I've been at Swedish for 3 weeks now. It seems like its been so much longer, but at the same time it seems as if I just arrived here yesterday.

Right now my stable days are moving further apart. This morning I started bleeding -again- and then started having intense contractions every minute or so. They talked about magnesium, but instead gave me a shot of turb. In fact, as I write this now I'm having my 2 pm monitoring and they are picking up contractions every 1 1/2 minutes. I can't feel them, but they're there. Even though the turb makes my heart race and my teeth chatter, I'd pick that over magnesium any day. They will NOT do a c section if I'm just contracting though. According to one of my favorite nurses, in most preterm cases, they will keep pumping magnesium until a woman is 5 cm dilated. However, because they cannot check me to see if I'm dilating, its only when I start bleeding excessively and won't stop is when they will do a c section before I hit 36 weeks.

...It's been over an hour later and I'm finally off the monitor. An extra dose of my nifedapin and it knocked my contractions out.

Elijah is a little mover. He never stays in one place long enough to pick up his heartrate for a long period of time. This means I have a steady stream of nurses trying their luck to "corner" him and what should be only 40 minutes of monitoring often turns into an hour to an hour and a half of monitoring. I don't mind so much when it's in the afternoon or night, but its miserable at 6 am when all I want to do is curl up and go back to sleep.

I've recently started reading "The Purpose Driven Life." That, along with my hand written journal, has been keeping my spirits up. Well, moreso than what they have been. Its easy to forget the positives in life right now. But I'm taking Dorie's lead. "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do we swim." :) (Gotta love Finding Nemo.)

A few specific prayer request:
1) That I will stop spotting/bleeding completely.
2) That my medication keeps working so I will not have to go back on the magnesium sulfate.
3) That the HR for my job will grant my leave so I have to a job to come home to.
4) That Kade continues to enjoy preschool.
5) That Kade will keep telling his dad about church.
6) For the rest of my family and Stephen's family as they go through the daily ups and downs with us.

Thank you!

I broke down last night as I was on my 10 pm monitoring. Everything is just so overwhelming. Being here by myself, not being able to see Kade, him telling me he misses me on the phone, not wanting to get out of bed in fear I start bleeding, not wanting to be monitored out of fear of the possibility I'm contracting. (I'm one of those "lucky" people that cannot feel my contractions until its too late and they need to take extreme measures to stop them. Aka, the mag.)

And then I start thinking. Which makes me start overthinking. My heart still hurts from my break up. We were together for over two years. There is so much pain that was caused by the both of us. A sudden memory will come to mind and I feel the pain all over again even though its over with.

I need to be prayed over. I need counseling. Otherwise I know I will struggle with this the rest of my life.

Another thing I'm really worried about is my job. I'm afraid they will not grant me a leave because it will exceed 12 weeks. Without that income, I'm screwed. I'll have to go back to McDonalds to support myself and two kids. Not exactly my idea of a good time. But I will do whatever it takes to make sure my sons have everything they need, plus a few things they want. Even if that means a couple grease burns and cranky customers.

My stomach is finally hard. My doctor came in and felt it for contractions and a measurement. She said, "Now that finally looks like a 30 week belly!"

Keep growing Elijah! Let's amaze everyone and you'll be able to come home as soon as I've recovered from the c-section. Wouldn't that be wonderful?!

I am so sorry for not updating. The trackball on my sidekick decided to quit working. It will scroll from left and right, but not up and down. I JUST figured out how to get around this problem. YAY!

(By the way, Baby Boy's name will remain Elijah. Kolten lost its appeal.)

The 27th proved to be a busy day and I didn't get my ultrasound. I was bummed, but they said I would for sure get it the next morning. My favorite day nurse, Kelly, came in around 10 AM and said, "surprise! We get to weigh you today!" I was so scared to get on the scale because I know my stomach is wayyyyyy bigger than what it was 2 weeks ago. I get on the scale and I weigh a whooping 179.9 lbs. Meaning I have only gained about 13 pounds!

After she leaves, I head to the bathroom. I get half way there and feel a lovely gush again. I still pee and I'm bleeding bright red. I pull the little cord and tell "the voice" what happened. A different nurse rushes in and immediately hooks me up to the monitor. Eli's heart rate was perfect so they knew it was just my placenta acting up. 2 doctors and a resident comes in and they start explaining that if this continues, they will have to give me a c section earlier than planned.

Thankfully I had no contractions with the bleeding so they hooked me up just to fluids.

They decided to put in a PICC line because of all the blood draws they have to do and the fact I keep ending up on fluids and magnesium. That was such an uncomfortable experience. After they put in the PICC line, the ultrasound machine was wheeled in and I got to see Mr. Eli. Well, somewhat. Haha.

Every ultrasound I've received since about 12 weeks along, he's been laying on his stomach, making it hard to see his heartbeat or face. This ultrasound was no different. Except he loves to be curled up in a ball...fetal position if you will. Only his knees touch his forehead. It was so adorable. :)

According to the measurements he is weighing in at 3 pounds 13 ounces already!!!! Most babies at 30 weeks are barely 3 lbs.

I'm still bleeding slightly, but not having any contractions. I'm hoping it stops by tomorrow so I can be listed in "stable" condition that way when my grandparents come this weekend I'll be able to take a wheelchair ride. I'm getting tired of laying in bed.

I had a HUGE growth spurt this week. For the longest time I just felt fat. Now its completely all belly.





30 weeks 0 days

Happy 30 weeks to Baby Boy and me! We made it to our first "goal"!

I've still been having contractions. I had no idea I was having them because I literally cannot feel them. Apparently at my 10 PM monitoring last night they were coming about every 2 minutes and lasting for over a minute. They gave me a second dose of Nifedapin and that slowed them down drastically. However, I haven't been spotting at all meaning that either my placenta might have moved or the tear might have healed.

I am getting my biweekly ultrasound at some point today. We'll be able to see then my fluid levels and what my placenta looks like, not to mention how much Baby Boy has grown. At my ultrasound when I first got here he was already weighing in at THREE POUNDS!

As for me calling him Baby Boy, well...I got here and realized I don't know if I like the name Elijah or Kolten better. So we're probably just going to wait and see what name fits him more when he's born.

I'll update after my ultrasound.

As of today I have been hospitalized for two weeks. In total, I have been on magnesium for over five days. (Over 72 hours the first time, and this weekend I was on it from 10 AM Saturday to 10 AM Monday.) For those of you who don't know the horror of this medication, be glad! My body burns, my face turns red, eyes go bloodshot, I cannot keep my eyes open, and my mind is in a complete fog. Its kind of like an extreme hangover. Not to mention while I'm on it I need to have my blood drawn every 6 hours. My arms are completely bruised from the blood draws. Plus they have to switch my IV block location every 4 days.

But in good news, tomorrow I will be 30 weeks along! My scheduled c section will be around March 11 if my contractions and bleeding don't start up again.

He has become SO active since I've been here. They monitor me 3 times a day, once at 6 am, once at 2 pm, and then at 10 pm. So every 8 hours. He moves the entire time they monitor me.

I can't lie, it gets pretty boring here. I have some amazing nurses and a few favorites already. But I have nothing really to do besides watch all of my seventeen channels the hospital provides.

I miss Kade so incredibly much. He was supposed to be here last weekend, but when I started contracting and had to be put back on the magnesium, my dad came and picked him up. I'll hopefully get to see him not this weekend, but the next. He knows that when I come home, I'll be coming home with his little brother. I feel so unprepared. I have no idea what's in store for me.

Hopefully I won't have to stay here for very long after he's born. Please pray he'll be able to keep his own body temperature, be able to breath, and have a sucking reflex. As soon as he has all of those things accomplished, we are able to come home. If I am able to make it to 36 weeks, there is a great possibility that he will only be in the NICU for a day or so for observation before they let him go down to the "step two" nursery which is similiar to the NICU, but not as intense, so to speak. The "step two" nursery is about the same as the NICU that bellingham has.

I'll probably be updating this daily as just a time filler. I can't promise any good updates though. :)